The American Loser 2
By Wesley Frazier
INT. Sean Home
We meet Sean's roommate Chris who sounds like the donkey from Winnie the Pooh.
Sean
(Walks through the door) Hey Chris is u home.
Chris
Over here.
Sean
Did you try to kill yourself again?
Chris
Noooo, what gave you that idea?
Sean
Well… I saw the video camera in the bathroom and your eating sugar, straight up.
Chris
That doesn't mean anything; lots of people eat the bag of sugar with a spoon (takes a big scoop of sugar from the bag and puts the spoon in his mouth and you hear a large crunch sound.)
Sean
(Sits next to Chris) Chris gives me the sugar
Chris
No! You don't understand!
Sean
Chris, I'm (Pause to stop himself from crying) a loser
Chris
(Hugs Sean) there, there, it's ok.
Sean
(Crying and sniffing) Gosh, I wish I weren't alive. I wish I were not alive.
Chris
Here Sean, have some sugar.
Sean
(Takes a spoonful) I mean I try so hard to be cool and a responsible person, but it seems the harder I try the hard I fall.
Chris
That made no sense…………… but I guess it's the depression talking. I'll be back, I'm going to the store for more sugar, and you want anything?
Sean
2 bags of sugar and low fat gummy bears (Squeals) Hurry; Dawson 's Creek is coming on.
Chris
That's all I needed to hear (Storms out the door).
INT. House-Morning
It is morning; Sean wakes up when he hears noise outside his front door.
Sean
(Opens the door then signs and walks away) Oh, man!
Jason
What's up my brother from another mother?
Kevin
Hey dude. (Kevin and Jason walk inside)
Sean
What are you two doing here?
Jason
Yo man Sean, where's the tube I need to catch my soaps.
Sean
Catch your soaps, it's Saturday
Jason
I know. Now were the remote I might miss Spongebob.
Kevin
Dude, I know… but if he doesn't watch it he cries like a wussy.
Jason
(YELLS) FOUND IT!
Sean
Let's get to the point. Why are you two here?
Kevin
We found the info on yo mama and were she is
Sean
Were she, tell me!! (Grabs Kevin dramatically)
Kevin
Dude, don't act like a retarded drama queen. (Yells) GET IN HERE JASON!!
Jason
(Runs into the room with a huge smile and laughing from TV) Yeah!
Kevin
Were did I tell you his mom was
Jason
(Pulls up his sleeve and looks at his arm) MLK Dr . What's MLK?
They try to figure out who Martin Luther King is in rhymes (Dr. Seuss style)
Sean
Who's MLK?
Kevin
Didn't he die that day?
Jason
What day
Sean
The day
Kevin
January?
Jason
ON my birthday
Sean
No way
Jason
Yes way
Sean
No way
Jason
OK!
Kevin
It's named after a street
Jason
Were all the black people be
Kevin
Was the Negro's entire die?
Sean
And were he baby Momma's cry
Kevin
Was it? Oh, well I guess I'll just sit here and sigh (takes a big sigh)
Chris
(Walks in unannounced, and doesn't speak like the donkey from Winnie the Pooh) Dude, its Martin Luther King Drive
All
Ohh. (Start mumbling to each other and laughing about it) What's that?
Chris
(Turns around slowly and looks at them) You've never heard of MLK Dr .
Sean
No
Jason
No way
Kevin
Why is it important?
Chris
Please guys, have a seat.
INT.Living Room-Conversation
Chris informs his friends of the ghetto and the environment in where his mother lives.
Chris
Ok, so it's obvious you guys know the history of the man Martin Luther King. So the only issue here is the street of Martin Luther King.
Sean
Is this going anywhere, because I've got a mom to find?
Chris
MLK Blvd is located in the heart of the ghetto. Where the gangsta's roll, and the prostitutes prevail, and the black men and women of the community are one
Everyone is starring at Chris in a way that obviously states they have no idea what he just said
Sean
Oh, I wasn't paying attention, what did you say.
Chris
Ok, I'll say it in terms that all of you can understand. It's where a bunch of black people running and try to make a living by scamming and killing one another with no shame.
Sean
Ohhh, that ghetto, I thought you mean the other one.
Kevin
We'll thanks for the history lesson Chris but were going on a field trip to the ghetto and where already late.
Chris
No your not ready.
Everyone is at the door except Chris
Chris
You have to eat chitlins, have you ever eaten it?
Group
No!
Chris
Have you seen Friday?
Group
Yeah
Chris
We'll I guess you can make it for your purpose, but follow the 3 rules of the ghetto. 1-never wave; 2-if a car rolls up on you RUN! 3-don't talk unless spoken to because if they figure you out they will eat you up and spit you out.
Group
Whatever (opens the door and exits)
Kevin
I wonder why he asked us have we seen Friday
Sean
Yeah, everyone's seen at least one Friday the 13 th .
Jason
(White accent) For sure
INT Ghetto-Entrance
A Man approaches them and he works for the boarder patrol. Yes that is right, there is a boarder patrol for the ghetto. He stops the 3 newcomers Sean, Jason, and Kevin.
Patrolman
Welcome to the boarder. Before you can enter I need to ask you for your license. (Takes Kevin and Sean's license but Jason doesn't have one.) What about your license, son
Jason
Oh, I don't have one.
Patrolman
You trying to be funny, because I will not hesitate to put you in the paper under the obituaries.
Sean
Excuse me sir, or dog. My partner here doesn't have one, you feel me.
Patrolman
Yeah ok, now go back with your crew and I will clear you.
Jason
Dude you sounded so ghetto
Kevin
I know man, where did you learn that
Sean
I picked up this book at the bookrack, where the free brochures were. Yeah, it only cost one food stamp, but I didn't have any so I gave the manager Leroy 20 bucks, and boy did I put a smile on his face, (opens the book and looks) Dawg, I tell you… I haven't seen a smile that big since they acquitted OJ, Holla!
Jason
That's great dude
Sean
No, your suppose to say, “I know man, so holla at yo boy.
Patrolman
Ya'll can enter. Is there anything you want? Guns, drugs, fubu gift certificate, food stamps, tour guide.
Sean
We'll take one tour guide; I would prefer a ghetto fabulous one, if you could.
Patrolman
Tyrone, get over here.
Tyrone
What's up?
Patrolman
They need a guide.
Tyrone
Cool, cool. Follow me young bloods.
INT.THE GHETTO-INSIDE
Tyrone takes the crew down the street of Malcolm X BLVD and talks to them about the ghetto.
Tyrone
What's up dawgs?
Jason
Nothing dude
Tyrone
(Camera zooms on Tyrone face) DON'T EVER SAY THAT AAAAAGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG! Did you fellas get the Ebonics Encyclopedia?
Sean
For show
Tyrone
Give it to him, for our sake man
So what ya'll doing here in the G-E-T-O
Kevin
Excuse me, but you spelt ghetto wrong it's G-H………..
Tyrone
It's my hood, and I can spell it the way I want ok. Now what are ya'll doing here in the projects
Sean
I'm looking for my mom, oh excuse me my mamma.
Tyrone
Where's her crib
Kevin
She isn't no baby partner
Jason
No, homie…It says right here. Crib, noun, usually refered to as a home.
Kevin
Ohhhh, sorry, because I was about to go upside your head.
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