The American Loser

By Wesley Frazier

INT. Girlfriend house

Sean walks to his girlfriend's house and he finds out that she doesn't want him anymore.

Sean

(Knocks on girlfriend door and no one answers the door) Man this is strange. Maybe she can't hear me. Ohh well good thing she has my key. Wait, that isn't a good thing. (Walks around talking to himself) If I were a key were would I be, hey that rhymes… Take that Dr. Seuss. I remember the key is in my back pocket. God how did it get there. (He laughs)

Sean walks through the door and yells tiffany's name but no response. He looks around the room and he finds her schedule and he reads it out loud

Sean

I wonder what she's doing today. Oh she's meeting Jack at 8pm @ Gloria's, man that place is nice, but expensive. (Tiff walks in) Oh, tiff, what's cracking?

Tiff

Don't say that you cracker and what are u doing w/ my schedule.

Sean

Oh, I was just checking to see if it was anthrax free. (Looks at the schedule and smells it) Yeah, anthrax free. Go ahead touch it, it won't hurt.

Tiff

Sean your stupid and a loser. It's over.

Sean

What's over… u get fired. Oh come hear give me a hug.

Tiff

No u retard, God ur stupid. I am breaking up w/ you. Get a clue

Sean

Ok, Cornell Mustard. HAHAHAHAHAH, ur not laughing why?

Tiff

Ur not even a man and now I have one.

The doorbell rings.

Tiff

And there he is (she walks to the door & opens it)

At the door is Jack; the camera zooms in his face at his smile.

Jack

Hey baby

Sean

(Walks up to Jack and shakes his hand) hey dude… remember this whazaup

Jack

No man where not in college anymore, I can't it's embarrassing.

Sean

Common… whazaup

Jack

Ok, what's up?

Sean

No man, give it more feeling, like Ur making love to it

Jack

Alright ahh

Tiff

If u does it, you'll just sink to his level.

Sean

Well, another time, now who is this man you're talking about

Tiff

Are you that oblivious? Its Jack, I broke up w/ you and now I go out w/ Jack. The man.

Sean

I can be a man, what do you want me to do

Tiff

If you're a man then hit Jack

Sean

No way Jose. Jack is my friend. What do you know its 8pm and Jack's here?

Tiff

We'll then Jack you punch him in the face.

Jack

Sorry dude

Sean

I understand (receives punch from Jack)

FADE OUT

INT. OUTSIDE OF TIFFANY'S HOUSE.SEAN PONDERS ABOUT HIS LIFE.

Sean

What has happened to me? Where did I go wrong? (Looks to the sky) God, why have u forsaken me!! Please give me a sign that tells me what has happened to me, something that takes me to the past so I can figure out what I must do to become a man, PLEASE I BEG YOU!

Teenager

Suck brick loser (takes the brick and throws it at Sean which knocks him unconscious).

FADE OUT

INT. BIRTH PLACE: SEAN'S MOTHER IS HAVING HIM AT HER HOUSE

SCREEN DISPLAYS “21 YEARS BEFORE HE BECAME A LOSER”

Nurse

You look ready to be delivered let me get Dr. No-Good

Mother

Excuse me (make an painful noise), Dr. No-Good

Nurse

Don't let the name fool you

Doctor

Hello I'm Dr. No-Good and you must be the soon to be mother. Now I'm not a genius but it seems that there is a baby in your tummy, hummm. We can't have that. Now which one would you prefer the chainsaw, knife, or Swiss army knife.

Mother

What? Who are you all?

Doctor

JK all the way (laugh). Were not going to cut you. Nurse how far is the baby?

Nurse

I see the head

Doctor

Nurse I'm going to need you to push that head back in… Got you again didn't I, lol

Mother

(Sarcastically) Yeah, haha, you sure did, now can you get this thing out of my stomach, it hurts like hell.

Doctor

OK, let me take a look. (Doctor walks over to the mother and looks under her shirt and throws up.) Sorry about that.

Mother

I think the nurse should deliver the baby

FADE OUT

INT. BABY BIRTH: THE BABY, SEAN, IS BORN

Doctor

(Pulls the baby out of the mother) Here we go. (Looks at the baby.) Wow that is one ugly baby, nurse take a look at this freak of nature.

Nurse

Yeah, it is ugly. But what can you do.

Mother

Is it really ugly, I mean I'll love the baby and all but is it ugly.

Doctor

Women this baby is so ugly it proves that God has a sense of humor.

Mother

Your kidding right

Nurse

I can call the adoption agency and tell them we have a baby.

Doctor

Let's at least let her see it

Nurse

(Carries the baby over to the mother) Here you go, good luck (crosses herself like the Catholics do in church).

Mother

(Pulls the blanket covering the baby's mouth.) Ahhhh! (Drops the baby.)

Doctor

That's going to leave a mark.

Nurse

I'll get the phone

Doctor

Good idea.

FADE OUT

INT. COUNSELORS HOUSE. SEAN IS GOING TO GET counseling ABOUT HIS PROBLEM. THE COUNSELOR HAS A MILIATRY TYPE VOICE THAT IS VERY DEEP. WHEN HE TALKS IT SEEMS AS THOUGH HE IS YELLING AT SEAN RATHER THAN TALKING.

SCENE STARTS WHEN SEAN OPENS THE DOOR TO THE COUNSOLER'S HOUSE AND WALKS TO THE ENTRANCE…

Sean

Hello is anyone here

CAMERA IS FOCUSED IN ON SEAN'S FACE FOR ABOUT 12 SECONDS, WHILE HE IS YELLINGS FOR ANY LIFEFORCE. THEN OUT OF NOWHERE A MAN POPS OUT………….

Simon

(Comes from a corner or behind) Sean!

Sean

Don't kill me (braces himself and cries dramatically). I admit it I farted but it was an accident, please don't kill me.

Simon

I'm not going to kill you. I'm the counselor; here let me help you up.

Sean

(Grabs Simon's hand) Thank you

Simon

Anytime……………Man that farts kicking in, am I right (laughs then slaps Sean in the back hard)

INT. SIMON'S OFFICE. THEY EVALUATE SEAN'S LIFE IN THIS SEAN AND MANY FLASHBACKS OCCUR.

Simon

Please have a seat Sean. (Pulls out a tablet) Now Sean you said that your not sure what has gone wrong in your life, but your sure something has happened.

Sean

Hey, I…. (Then Simon interrupts him)

Simon

Whoa…I didn't say to talk yet.

Sean

Ohh…I get it SIMON. Simon says.

Simon

Okay, can you explain?

Sean

I think I hit rock bottom when my girlfriend broke up, she said I was a loser

Simon

Please tell me and be honest, have you been a loser all your life

Sean

No! What makes you think that?

Simon

Calm down, ok. I need you to run through your life for me Sean, every major moment from birth

Sean

I really don't remember a lot when I was born, I don't know why…. Is that the problem doc?

Simon

Sean…no one remembers their birth. (Whispers to himself) god this guy is stupid.

Sean

What did you say?

Simon

What…I didn't say anything (starts writing)

Sean

What are you writing?

Simon

Who me, I'm not writing, maybe your writing because for no reason I should be writing. Now Sean have you ever been bullied.

Sean

Yes, in 7 th grade. (Starts crying) I was only a child (starts bursting out with tears)

Simon

There, there. NOW BE A MAN AND STOP CRYING. I WILL NOT HAVE A GROWN MAN IN MY HOUSE CRYING LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD BABY WHO STILL GETS BREAST FEED.

Sean

(Sniffs) OK, well as I was saying….

FADEOUT

INT PARK . SCEN TAKES PLACE WITHN THE PROXIMITY OF A PARK THIS IS WHERE WE MEET 2 BULLIES OF SEAN WHEN HE WAS A CHILD.

MUSIC: THE WHITE STRIPES-7 NATION ARMY

SEAN WAVES AT HIS PARENTS AND TAKES A 30 SECOND WALK T THE BENCH WERE HE PLANS TO SIT AND ENJOY HIS LUNCH DURING THE SUMMER DAYCARE. AND 2 BULLIES APPROACH HIM

Sean

(Opens his lunch bag while inspecting the area) I guess there not……….. Dang!

IN THE FAR DISTANCE WE SEE THE 2 BULLIES APPROACHING HIM.

Sean

(Takes out his inhaler and takes a large puff, then another) I must do what mom said and be an independent man. Stand up for myself.

FINAL THEY REACH THEIR DESTINATION, MUSIC STOPS

Bully

Hey squirt…I forgot my lunch (gets his friends attention) Can I have yours.

Sean

No! You can't, it's mine…. get your own lunch.

Bully2

Wow, did you hear that, the terd licker is being selfish and rude, did he hurt your feelings dude.

Bully

Yeah he did and I'm going to have to hurt his feelings.

Sean

Wait! Hold your horses

Bully2

I don't see no freakin' horses, so let's beat him

Sean

I talked to my mom about our problem with lunch

Bully

What problem, there ain't no problem. It's easy I take your lunch and you don't eat and I do. So what's the problem?

Sean

We'll the problem is you take my lunch. Everyday I look forward to that lunch and everyday I go home hungrier than an Ethiopian. When I talked to my mom what she told me is that I should be the opposite of an independent women. I should be an independent man. So with that I figured out a solution, so both of us can be happy. I took the liberty of fixing 2 lunches…. one for me and one for you.

Bully

Good thinking terd licker, but there is still one problem. My buddy here is hungry so what I'm going to need you to do is give me both lunches and for you to go on being an Ethiopian…ok

Sean

Bully2

I'll save you a (looks in the bag) crumb for you to sprinkle on your terds, terd licker.

THE MUSIC FROM THE BEGINNING OF THIS SCENE PLAYS. THE CAMERA SHOWS SEANS HEAD BANGING THE TABLE AT THE SAME TIME IT SHOWS THE BULLIES WALKING AND TALKING, BUT WE CANNOT HEAR THEM.

Sean

(Lifts his head out which has bird crap on it) I need to be an independent man and defend myself.

THE MUSIC TRANSFORMS FROM THE WHITE STRIPES TO TRAPT'S HEADSTRONG. AND THIS REMAINDER OF THE SCENE TAKES PLACE WITH THE CHORUS OF HEADSTRONG.

SEAN WALKS OVER TO THE BULLIES AND WHEN HE REACHES THEM THE CHORUS OF TRAPT-HEADSTRONGS SONG PLAYS. SEAN TAPS BULLY ON HIS BACK AND PUNCHES HIM. THE BULLY STALLS FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS. ONCE SEAN PUNCHES THE BULLY THE MUSIC STOPS. THE CAMERA FOCUSES ON SEANS JOY THEN THE BULLY RETALIATES AND KNOCKS OUT SEAN AND THE WHITE STRIPES ARE PLAYED AGAIN. THE BULLIES KICK SEAN IN THE RIBS THEN PULL OF HIS CLOTHING.

Simon

We'll that was interesting. (looks at his watch) The session for today is over, please come tomorrow. (waits until Sean leaves) Man I am going to make a fortune of this loser's life.

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