Aliens took my dog
FADE IN :
EXT. woods -MORNING
JERRY, 30 is out jogging along a trail followed by his large German Shepard, BEAST.
Jerry is in great shape, lean with tone muscles. He has short hair and dark features.
Beast has his tongue out panting away.
Jerry comes to a clearing and sits down on a rock. His pet walks over and lays at his feet.
Jerry
Your not getting to old for this are you boy?
He rubs the dogs coat.
JERRY
We still got another mile until we get back to the car.
Jerry leans back and stretches. Beast rolls over on his side.
JERRY
Well, come on, the faster we get home the faster we can watch HBO.
The dog suddenly jumps to his feet and starts whining.
JERRY
What? What is it boy?
Now the dog is growling and pacing in circles.
Jerry looks at the woods nervously.
JERRY
Hello? Is anyone out there? I have a trained attack dog with me.
The wind picks up and leaves and dirt start flying everywhere. The dog is going crazy, barking jumping and looking at the sky.
Jerry looks up and sees a large black cigar shaped UFO descending from the sky.
JERRY
Oh shit! Let's go boy!
Jerry takes off running but the animal stays put.
JERRY
Beast! Hey Beast! Come on!
The ship is now directly over the clearing. Beast sits on his haunches and whines.
Jerry starts to run to his animal when a blue light illuminates the animal. In a flash the dog is gone. The ship begins to lift back into the sky.
JERRY
(yelling)
Hey! Holy shit you vaporized my dog! You bastards!
He grabs a handful of rocks at starts throwing them at the departing vessel. In a minute the strange craft is lost in the clouds.
JERRY
(falling to his knees and sobbing)
Bring back my dog.
EXT. sky -MORNING
The cigar shaped craft is speeding through the sky.
INT. united Airlines flight 707 / cockpit -MORNING
The captain of the aircraft is chatting with his copilot.
Captain
So I say, 'baby you know I am to young to be tied down right now. If it turns out that baby is mine then we can talk.'
Copilot
Don't blame ya.
A pretty blonde stewardess enters the cockpit.
Stewardess
Hey guys. I'm glad this ones almost over. How much longer until we reach Oklahoma City?
CAPTAIN
About an hour, why the passengers giving you grief?
STEWARDESS
Yeah, it's give me this, I want that, gimmie gimmie gimmie.
Suddenly the UFO races past the flight in plain view of everyone in the cockpit. They all jump.
CAPTAIN
Holy shit!
STEWARDESS
Jesus what was that!
COPILOT
Uh sir?
CAPTAIN
Christ was that a UFO?
(a beat)
Maybe it was another one of those terrorist things. Jesus I hate flying into Oklahoma.
COPILOT
(urgently)
Sir!
CAPTAIN
Damn it what?
The copilot points to a button that had been turned on in the confusion. The intercom button.
CAPTAIN
Ouch.
(picking up microphone)
Ha ha just playing with everyone back there! Just trying to brighten everyones day. Just a joke!
EXT. space
The ship is now in orbit around the Earth. It spins in a clockwise motion.
INT. UFO
Beast sits in a circular room. A door slides open and three grey humanoid creatures enter the room. They are about three feet tall with huge heads, black oval eyes and a tiny mouth. The first one walks over to the animal. It tries to speak but it's voice comes out as gibberish. The dog twists its head one way then another.
One of the other aliens hands the first one a collar shaped device. The first alien puts it on.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled, Alien speaking in Spanish)
Hello earthling! We will not harm you. We only come to study you.
Beast looks blankly at the Alien.
The Aliens look among themselves and the first alien pushes a button on his collar.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled, Alien speaking in French)
I repeat, we mean you no harm. We only want to study you and help your race.
Beast lays down and puts his head on his paws.
The first Alien punches another button on his collar
.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled, Alien speaking in Chinese)
Human, we have traveled a great distance to study your culture and try your...oh forget it.
The alien takes off the collar and shoves to one of his lackeys.
The Aliens start to argue their voices getting higher pitched until Beast raises his head and howls. The three Aliens jump. They look at each other and smile.
INT. police Station -DAY
Jerry bursts into the busy police station and surveys the room. Cops are walking everywhere, they all seem to be in a hurry.
JERRY
(shouting)
I want to report a kidnapping!
The police station comes to a halt.
JERRY
(quietly)
Aliens from Pluto took my dog.
INT. UFO
Beast is licking his paws while an alien advances on him with a long blue cylinder.
Beast looks at the alien who walk behind him and raises his tail. The alien prepares to stick the blue cylinder into the dogs rectum.
Beast growls and the alien looks worried. He looks over to his companions standing off to the side. One of them gives him the thumbs up.
The alien anal probes the poor dog who jumps, turns and attacks the small aliens shaking him like a rag doll.
The other aliens are taking notes and appearing to not notice the loud growling and barking coming a few feet from them.
INT. POLICE STATION -DAY
Jerry is sitting at a desk with a police man trying to tell his story.
Police man
So, uh...These aliens came from the sky and got your dog?
JERRY
Yes! How many times do I have to tell you? We need to call the air force or army or someone.
POLICE MAN
Is your dog really important enough to bother those kind of people sir? I'm thinkin' no.
JERRY
They will want to know about the aliens, what if they attack?
POLICE MAN
And you say they came from Uranus?
Some of the nearby police men snicker and try not to laugh.
JERRY
No! I said Pluto at first because I was frustrated, it's not like they had a bumper sticker that said, 'hey we're from Pluto and it rocks.'
POLICE MAN
Right. Anyway I meant to ask you earlier, do you use drugs?
INT. UFO
The battered body of the anal probe alien is being carted out through a door as another alien walk slowly over to the canine.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
That was most unnecessary Earthling. K'tar was only doing his job.
Beast cocks his head and raises a paw.
The lead alien looks at his confidants and one gives him the thumbs up, the others snicker and try to hide their faces.
The alien slowly leans out and shakes the dogs paw.
Beast lets out a might ~ WOOF! That make the other aliens jump.
The lead alien turns to the others.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Finally, progress.
Beast stands, lifts a leg and pees on the alien.
CUT TO:
INT. UFO
This room resembles a medical room as aliens are studying various things.
The head of Beast is mounted on a table with wires attached to it.
Beast seems unfazed as he looks this way and that and his tongue is poking out of his mouth.
Another alien is looking at one on the dogs legs.
A projecter is against the wall showing images from Beast.
SERIES OF IMAGES:
Beast sniffing the butt of another dog.
Beast drinking from the toilet.
Beast chasing after a rabbit.
Beast attacking the anal probe alien.
A nearby door slides open and the head alien walks in.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Well?
ALIEN #2
(subtitled)
These Earthlings are simple creatures. The conquest of their planet will be simple.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Good, very good. Prepare to release the subject.
(a beat)
After you put him back together.
CUT TO:
INT. trailer -nIGHT
Jerry is sitting in his recliner watching the 'Jerry Springer' show when his small trailer starts to shake.
JERRY
Oh hell? Now what?
He gets up and heads for the door.
EXT. trailer -NIGHT
Jerry sees his pet sitting in a pool of light.
JERRY
(yelling)
Beast!
He looks up and sees the aliens ship departing.
JERRY
Come back and fight you damn martians!
The ship is gone.
Beast walks over to Jerry on shaky legs.
JERRY
Hey boy are you okay? I was so worried.
The dog licks him.
JERRY
Damn you smell like old pennies.
He leads the animal in the trailer.
INT. TRAILER -NIGHT
The dog wobbles through the room as if on uneven legs.
JERRY
What did they do to you boy?
The dog walks past the TV and the reception fuzzes up.
JERRY
Hey! Get away from the TV! It's midget marriages.
Beast walks away and the reception clears up.
The dog plops down on the floor and looks at Jerry.
INT. UFO
The aliens are huddled around a monitor.
They can see Jerry sitting in his recliner watching TV.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
What is that?
The aliens look at each other.
ALIEN #2
(subtitled)
His pet.
The door slides open and a pair of aliens walk in the room.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Well, what have you found?
ALIEN #3
(subtitled)
This!
He holds up a bucket of KFC chicken.
ALIEN #4
(subtitled)
Well, I have this sir!
He holds up a Penthouse magazine.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Good, we will understand the Earthlings even further with these items.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRAILER -MORNING
Jerry is sitting on his porch playing fetch with his dog. He throws the ball and Beast staggers after it.
Beast brings back the ball, it's covered in spit.
JERRY
Yuck boy, that's gross.
A cat comes around the corner and spies the dog.
JERRY
Beast don't even think about...
Suddenly the dog spits his tongue out like a frog and it wraps around the surprised cat. With a flick the cat is in his mouth being chewed up noisily.
JERRY
What the Hell...
INT. VETERINARIAN Office -DAY
Jerry is sitting in a chair watching the doctor inspect his pet.
JERRY
Well?
Doctor
This is very strange, do you...have you ever mistreated this animal?
JERRY
(shocked)
What? No he's my life!
(a beat)
Why?
DOCTOR
It looks like he has been...
(laughs)
This is gonna sound strange but it looks like someone cut up this poor animal and stitched him back up. Hell if I didn't know any better I'd say his legs were shorter than the last time I saw him.
INT. UFO
An alien is watching a video screen. The image of the doctor fills the monitor.
ALIEN
(subtitled)
They suspect something.
ALIEN #1
(subtitled)
Initiate plan nine.
The head alien takes a bite from a buffalo wing.
INT. TRAILER -DAY
Jerry is fixing his dog something to eat when he hears a noise and turns around.
Beast stalks to him and sits down.
JERRY
What's wrong?
The dog cocks his head and his eyes turn dark red.
JERRY
Beast?
A mechanical voice come from the animal.
Beast
Your time on this planet is over puny Earthling. Prepare to bite it.
(a beat)
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
JERRY
(stunned)
You can talk?
EXT. TRAILER -DAY
The quiet trailer park silence is ended when Jerry's trailer explodes into a huge ball of flames. Burnt furniture and pieces of junk litter the court yard.
CUT TO:
EXT. SWIMMING Pool -DAY
Several kids are swimming in an above ground pool when one of the kids looks up in the sky.
Kid
(pointing)
Holy crap! Get out of the pool!
The kids scramble to climb over the sides of the pool just as a charred black body hits the pool send a large gush of water into the air.
The kids look over the sides of the pool and the burnt remains of Jerry is floating in whats left of the water.
KID
Oh my God...That kicked ass.
EXT. TRAILER -EVENING
Fire trucks and police vehicles are everywhere.
Fireman
Jesus what do you think happened here?
FIREMAN #2
We think it was a meth lab. Crazy bastard was at the police station yesterday claiming aliens kidnaped his dog.
FIREMAN
Damn shame.
Away from all the confusion sits Beast, dirty, covered in soot with singed hair he's watching the people work.
A small boy walks over to the dog.
Boy
Hey boy! What happened to you boy?
He reaches out his hand and the dog licks it.
BOY
Come on I'll take you home and clean you up.
The dog follows the boy to his trailer.
FADE OUT:
Scripts and reviews